Mr. Q RAPED my CHICKEN, I’m Suing (The Nigerian analogy) by Adebowale Adejugbe

Modesty forbids what the law does not. ~ Seneca

ImageI’m here to tell you a story, its a very sad one and it has caused a lot of rumblings in my household but I’ll give you a lovely intro though.

Just picture me in a hut, with a wrapper tied round my waist and a chewing-stick hanging from my mouth. It was my vacation and I decided to spend it in my village – it has been a long time coming. I loved the scent of the firewood my mother was using to cook, the pot was very black but the food in it has more quality compared to all the snacks I had ever eaten in Lagos. It was a perfect setting in its entirety and I felt at ease. I had parked my car somewhere hidden to block out any image of the city. A week of solemn and abiding peace in a serene environment was everything I craved.  

The last time I sent money to my Mum, I made sure that extra was added for the purchase of some pets and livestocks, of particular interest out of what she bought was this lovely CHICKEN that had a mixture of colours like Joseph’s coat, very distinguished and healthy. You cannot miss seeing it, very conspicuous and adorable. The Chicken is that awesome and beautiful.

So, I was admiring nature and the environment that particular saturday morning when I noticed that my multi-coloured Chicken (that I loved calling Joseph once in a while) was missing from action. I took my time to survey and capture every moving figure in the environment, searching the cracks in the wall to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating. That search was frantic (I must admit), if you’ve been addicted to something in your life before i.e Blackberry, then you’ll understand how desperate that search was.

 

My CHICKEN was no where to be found!

My reaction wasn’t good, but I had it at the back of my mind that my “Joseph” will eventually come home. Thirty minutes later, I had to go and answer the call of nature (those familiar with village settings knows where it is located) in the bush close to the house, I was about to disrobe when I  heard a faint “chuckle”. My thought was that a kid was hiding somewhere peeping to see what load I had wanted to unleash…….yes, decipher. I scanned the area again to know who the guerrillas were and their set-up point.

 

What I saw amazed me!

I saw Mr Q kneeling, aggressively pumping and producing a censored rhythm (very censored), head swaying to and fro, eyes closed, body moving systematically and with intent, but I couldn’t see both hands and it was just his moan that betrayed his acts.

So I moved closer to see the babe (at least I had established that he was pumping his sorrows away), I got the rudest shock of my life……..My CHICKEN was the babe! 

 

Mr Q had used one of his heavy hands to clip the Chicken’s beaks, while the other monstrous hand held my lovely chicken’s body. I was staring at someone RAPE my CHICKEN and I couldn’t interrupt, this guy-with his burly frame- would have given me a synchronous and constitutional beating. I decided to fetch other people to help build a case; they got there in time to see him wriggling in pleasure, satisfaction and excitement. We made the move and made sure his pants were still down when we took exclusive photographs (censored though).

I decided to seek opinions on what to do, this guy raped my chicken and had rendered such a lovely animal useless for me. I took the case to friends and here is what they contributed. I’ll put their twitter handles here as their names, kindly note very well.

They are @ilamosietu, @olukade, @enobong, @reMOHdified, @AAborode, @NajeebWali

 

@ilamosietu: she said, RAPE of Chicken kwa? I only spoke of man’s inhumanity to man,the violation of another’s pride.

It was obviously a very strange occurrence to her because she only wrote about Rape in the context of human beings.

@olukade:  He is the major participant in this, he insisted a Chicken cannot be RAPED just as it cannot be ROBBED. He went on to quote Section 214 and 357 of a criminal code that deduced anybody having carnal knowledge of an animal can only be guilty of FELONY and proceeded further to say Section 314 actually listed terms of rape and there was nowhere an animal was mentioned.

The Felony in this case apparently carries a 14 year jail term, so he separated it from rape that carries a maximum of life imprisonment.

 

So, I asked what will happen to the major actors; he said Mr Q would suffer punishment, my chicken either dies or life goes on and I’ll have to go on without any compensation.

Seeing that I wasn’t satisfied, he asked me what I wanted. I told him that I want Mr Q to pay me bride price, marry the chicken and still get punished for the initial stealing and Rape.

 

@enobong: she only commented “Rape of chicken? Yuk sounds gross”

Its an awkward thing to do as her response confirmed.

 

@reMOHdified: He agrees that its logically a rape case because an animal cannot consent, asking “How do you get an animal to consent to the act?”

 

He partially agreed with @Olukade that it can be classified as crime but not rape, he was livid when he heard that my chicken gets nothing except “die or life goes on” retorting that it is unfair. He wanted sentence and compensation at the very least.

@AAborode: He just advised me to change the title of this piece to “He Raped My Chicken In The Kitchen, I’m Suing”. Sounds catchy I must admit, but Mr Q did it in the bush.

@NajeebWali: When I said I wanted to get a pay off and make Mr Q marry the Chicken, he simply remarked GOD!

 

Now, let’s see what Mr Q raping my chicken has in common with our everyday life.

Mr Q represents our Leaders, My Chicken is our resources (no limit to what it is, in this context) and I am the everyday Nigerian.

I will love it if you can go through what my friends contributed again. We all agreed that Mr. Q raping my chicken was disgusting just like when our leaders loot our resources, we all act out in disgust. As an everyday Nigerian whose resources are being pillaged and looted by our several Mr. Qs, I want justice and a fair trade to occur; but when the constitution or criminal code or whatever book of the law is applied, it seems its always in favour of our several Mr Qs.

 

My Chicken was raped, and Mr Q only goes to prison for a maximum of 14 years? That’s punishment, but I’m not compensated and my Chicken either “dies or life goes on”, meaning when our leaders loots us silly, they get slapped on the wrist (Alamiseigha, Ibori etc), our resources don’t get returned  and we never get the appropriate compensation.

We need to ask the right questions, do the right things and clamour for a change to the rules that allows our Mr Qs to get off so easily.

 

As for me, I’m pursuing this case and I won’t mind if it gets to the Supreme Court. Mr Q must PAY for RAPING my CHICKEN.

 

Adebowale Adejugbe

I’m @deboadejugbe on twitter.

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Posted by: zebbook | June 21, 2012

My Last Flight Home (For the Dana Heroes)

My Last Flight Home (For the Dana Heroes) by Adebowale Adejugbe

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‘Mors Certa, Hora Incerta’ – ‘Death is certain, its hour is not’

The important thing is not to stop questioning. – Albert Einstein

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ImageI took my bath hurriedly that morning, wouldn’t want to be late for my flight to Abuja. It had been a few days of high debate within me – should I honour the appointment or not? – as this could be that lucky break I prayed and fasted for or just a total waste of time and resources. I tucked in my shirt after the necessary pre-travel rituals had been done, packed my pair of lucky socks and said a short prayer to complete the ritual. I was wheeling my traveling box when a feeling engulfed me, I couldn’t place it but it was very strong and I knew I was forgetting something.

It hit me after about thirty seconds that my ticket was on the living room table. That delayed me for a total of about three minutes before I finally set sail. I was thinking about my appointment, the feeling of seeing my best friend and some of my other friends resident in the nation’s capital again, the excitement of getting away from the lovely madness of Lagos for a weekend was playing “kele kele” on my mind and the comfy but extremely heart-shattering fourty-five minutes journey couldn’t be suppressed either. I was eager for all of it.

All my prayers was for a fruitful journey, because the flight fare could easily have been used for a better purpose if not for the appointment that made it extremely mandatory for me to go, I didn’t want to put myself through a ten hours-plus journey by road when fourty-five minutes would do the job. Add ten hours to that very sinister Lokoja-Abuja expressway and the security uncertainty that are prevalent on our roads, it was a quick decision to travel my beloved Dana.

I still remember the main reason why I started flying Dana. I loved Aero and its very affordable prices (that’s if you book ahead) and I always book ahead to lower the prices. The hawking of goods in Aero flights coupled with a scare I had when returning from a trip to Calabar didn’t put me off – a multi-postponed flight which I eventually missed severed my association with Aero – I was so angry when I was told to pay almost double of what I doled out (for a two-way journey) to cancel my supposed check-in before I could be allowed on another plane. I opted for Dana and I fell in love since then. 

I’ve tried Arik, Air Nigeria etc but I just fell in love with Dana. The flights were on time almost all of the time and it felt comfy enough for me. That’s all a businessman needs to hear.

I didn’t wait long at the airport after checking-in, the flight was on time again and fifty minutes later I was with my friend trading banters – journey forgotten, new environment accepted. New reality dawned on me when I was called that my appointment had been moved to the next saturday, meaning I had just flown to Abuja on a purely social visit. In that context, I had to enjoy it to the fullest – no compromise.

The weekend was awesome. I got my ticket’s worth of fun and adventure. My flight on Sunday afternoon would be awesomely enjoyed also (my thought), I’ve come to see life as a game of NOW, live for now and let all sorrows be forgotten.

With everything packed, my friend drove me to the airport with a thirty minutes head start before my flight. We were about entering the airport when I remembered I had forgotten something extremely important (I’m that awkward) and I told my friend to turn back so I could get it. I didn’t tell him what it was even with all his prodding, I wanted it back at all cost. He had to take me back but with the constant reminder that I was going to miss my flight (I swallowed a big lump each time he mentioned missing my flight because he would be the one to fund a new ticket).

My lucky socks was lying beside the foot of the bed, very adorable to look at and so sad to be parted with for few minutes. I picked it up and ran downstairs to join my friend (he was obviously irritated that he drove all the way back for a pair of socks). We got to the airport on time to see my flight take off. What I feared most had happened and no money to book a new flight right away. My friend promised we would sort it out the next day which would be Monday – that was okay for me. He wouldn’t let me rest on the issue of my lucky socks though and I had to take all the yabis on board – he is paying for a new ticket, I’ll give him that much leeway to dig into me.

 

Everything was sorted out! Yeah!

I switched on the TV when we got back to his place (about fifty five minutes after my flight left) and it was all BREAKING NEWS on the scroll bar of several stations. It was my missed flight that crashed into a residential area in Lagos, I checked my ticket to confirm my fears, it was true. I brought out my lucky socks and held on to it, tears streaming down my cheeks, my body and lips shaking uncontrollably at just the thoughts I could have been there. I started praying and hoping in countless directions.

Eventually, my fears were confirmed! No survivors. Those first few minutes were real torture, several questions ran through my mind most of them would never be answered, ever! The families, everyone on the flight, people on the ground, the environment, its effects on the psyche of frequent flyers and several more thoughts were circulating through my mind. Ninety-five percent of my thoughts were depressing and I still haven’t gotten over them.

Everyone that stepped on that flight (Pilots, Engineers, Hostesses and Passengers) and those inside the buildings on ground that paid the ultimate price were heroes; they should be remembered as such and their families should be adequately compensated.

Above all, necessary steps should be taken to prevent a repeat (it is possible). Its better to get it right with the right people and right procedures rather than all these lamentations we are dealing with afterwards. The authorities should learn that human lives are involved and its irreplaceable no matter how much is being paid as compensation to the families. We need a system that works. We need a system that values her citizens. We urgently need a system that is proactive. We need a system that listens and values genuine inputs from her citizens.

 

We don’t have to stop questioning, because that’s where redemption lies. If you are being persecuted for asking the right questions, please hang in there, it will be of use eventually. Imagine what could have happened if the right questions had been asked and the right precautions had been taken!

 

It might be too early to judge on who should take the blame (as some would say) but its not too early to admit we’ve lost an overwhelming number of dedicated and lovely citizens, its not too early to admit that they are not coming back, its not too early to posit that if people are found culpable they should dance to the naked drum and its never going to be too early to say goodbye.

This is dedicated to everyone who took the ill-fated Dana flight that crashed at Iju-Ishaga as their last flight home. We will always remember you and your deaths will not be in vain. You are all heroes.

 

Adebowale Adejugbe

Follow @deboadejugbe on twitter

Posted by: zebbook | June 13, 2012

The Gospel According To ‘Saint’ Farouk

1)  And it came to pass after these things, on the first day of the first month of the twelfth year after the second millennium, that king Jona son of Bele announced to the people saying; there is no money left in the royal treasury, and the future of the kingdom is in great danger.

2) Therefore, a measure of oil shall no longer sell for three scores of silver and seven, but shall now be seven scores of silver and one. But the people grumbled aloud, and said unto another, what shall it profit our king to gain all these oil money and lose his throne?

3) For it is appointed unto him to reign but once, and after this prison, for many are the atrocities which he has committed.

4)  So they said unto the king, eat thou thy food in peace in the palace, and surround thou thyself with thine women, only touch not our oil price and do thy people no harm.

5) But the king would not listen, and said unto himself, I know my people, they shall only grumble for a while and soon they shall forget.

6) But the people would not forget, for the burden was too much for them to bear, and they said; now unto him that is able to increase the price of oil exceeding abundantly above all that his people can bear or think, according to the greed which worketh in him;

7) Unto him be curses in the streets by the masses throughout all ages, protests without end.

8) So they took to the streets and gave the land no peace, and there was no going out or coming in throughout the kingdom for two weeks, and the king feared greatly and said to himself, surely these people shall overturn me if I answer them not.

9) So he called the head of the labourers unto the palace, and gave him bags of gold, that they might turn off the wrath of the people against the king.

10) So the king assembled the people and said unto them; a measure of oil shall no longer be seven scores of silver and one, but shall now be four scores of silver, one dozen and one, to this your leaders have agreed. Praise me now therefore for I am a benevolent king.

11) And after all these, the Loudspeaker of the House of People said, let us inquire into the king’s claim that there be no money in the royal treasury. So they appointed Farcrook, son of Lawal.

12) And said unto him, gather ye now all the oil sellers, that we may know who stole from the kingdom. This did him with diligence, and came back with his report saying

13) Thieves abound in the land, and so have the oil sellers stole from the people, and gave them not oil, this they did with the help of Aliyaro the king’s mistress; and the amount he mentioned was unheard of in the land.

14) When the people heard this, they were dismayed, and sorrow gripped their hearts.

15) But the oil sellers went in unto the king in his chamber, and said; rememberest thou O king that the what we stole did we made available to thy campaign, and by thus did we make you king.

16) If thou deliver us unto the people that they may punish us, we will hold not our tongue to tell the people that thou art one of us.

17) And they said unto him, how else shall we destroy the message if not to destroy the messenger? Let us therefore implicate Farcrook the son of Lawal in this matter.

18) So they sent a certain rich man from the West by the name Otedollar, and he took Farcrook into his house and gave him some money, that he may alter the report which he had set before the people.

19) And it was that Otedollar went before an assembly of the people and said unto them, trust ye this man who said we stole from the treasury? Surely he is one of us, for he came unto me in the middle of the night, and he left with his pockets full of money.

20) And the people where amazed, and their hearts bled, for Farcrook was a man in whom they had to their trust.

21) So Farcrook arose, and said; Otedollar is my briber, I did not request. He maketh me to sit down in his Maitama house; he leadeth me beside the chilled champagne.

22) He exploited me greed; he leadeth me in the paths of marked dollars for subsidy’s sake.

23) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of EFCC, I will fear no arrest: for bribes are with me; my loots and my kickbacks they comfort me.

24) Thou preparest the dollars before me, in the presence of the SSS: thou anointest my mouth with wine; my pocket runneth over.

25) Surely the shame and reproach shall follow me all the days of my life, but I will dwell in the house of PDP forever and ever.

26) And the people wept, but there was no one to console them.

Ogunyemi Bukola

Follow @zebbook on twitter

Posted by: zebbook | June 13, 2012

Nominate Japheth J Omojuwa For The Future Awards 2012

Nominations have opened for The Future Awards 2012 and I would like you to nominate my friend and brother, Japheth J Omojuwa for the Awards under two separate categories.

1) Best Use of Advocacy

2) Best Use of New Media

Please kindly go to http://www.thefuturenigeria.com/nominate/ and fill the nomination form. These are the nominee info you’ll need:

Name of Nominee: Japheth J Omojuwa

Age of Nominee: 28

Phone Number of Nominee: leave blank

Email address of Nominee: omojuwatv@gmail.com

Kindly nominate under ‘Best Use of Advocacy’ category and repeat the procedure for ‘Best Use of New Media’.

Thanks so very much, God bless.

Click on NOMINATE to proceed!

 

Ogunyemi Bukola (@zebbook)

Posted by: zebbook | June 10, 2012

LESSONS FROM MUNICH

On Saturday, 19 May 2012, Chelsea FC of England beat Bayern Munchen of Germany to the UEFA Champions League trophy via a penalty shoot-out at the Allianz Arena. That I know is no longer news. Away from the football and drama, defeat and victory of that night in Munich, there are some very important lessons that Bayern’s loss and most especially Chelsea’s triumph taught me about life. These have I decided to share with you, perhaps you’ll also be able to learn one or two things.

(1) ROBERTO DI MATTEO

Roberto Di Matteo will go down in Chelsea’s history as the manager to deliver the clubs first ever Champions League trophy. This he did within four months of being appointed as Interim Manager after Andres Villas Boas was sacked in March 2012. The significance of Di Matteo’s achievement will be lost on us except if we go back in time to four years ago. As at 2008, Di Matteo was managing Coca-Cola League I club MK Dons and indeed lost the playoffs that season to Scunthorpe. The distance between that Coca-Cola League I playoff and a Champions League final is likeable to the distance, in years, between a twelve year old girl and menopause.

A year later (2009), he took over at championship side West Bromwich Albion, guided the team to promotion to the English Premier League, but after a poor run of results, he was sacked in February 2011. Four months later, he applied to Birmingham City but was turned down and ended up as Assistant Manager to Chelsea’s new coach Villas Boas. Eight months into his appointment, Villas Boas was axed by club owner Roman Abramovich. Now when Abramovich fires a manager, as he often does, he sends the assistant packing also. But this time he didn’t. He instead gave Di Matteo a temporary promotion to the position of manager!

Four months later, with the same tools his former boss worked with, Di Matteo won the oldest cup competition in football, the English FA Cup, and the most glamorous and sought-after trophy in club football, the UEFA Champions League.

It’s not certain that he’ll get the Chelsea job on full-time basis, but the truth is that he doesn’t need it. Four years ago he was a nobody, 18 months ago he lost his job, a year ago he was turned down by Birmingham City, but today he has triumphed where several past Chelsea managers have failed. West Bromwich Albion, the club that sacked him 18 months ago, is looking for a new manager, but they won’t approach Di Matteo. He is not in their league again, he is a superstar now and WBA are too small for him.

Have you suffered rejection? Have people looked down on you based on your present circumstance? Wipe those tears away from your eyes and see what God is working out for you. Lionel Messi has scored over 70 goals this season but he missed a semi-final penalty against Chelsea. The Germans hardly miss penalties; they did in their own stadium against Chelsea. When the time comes for God to uplift you, the natural order of things will be over-ruled by the supernatural and even your enemies will labour to make it happen.

I don’t know about you, but if I fall I won’t stay on the ground. If I fail I won’t sit and shed tears. I refuse to be consoled and pitied, for I know that what my God is working out in me is beyond man’s wildest imaginations. And I pray that wherever you have suffered rejection, you’ll go back there in a few years to be honoured and celebrated.

(2) FERNANDO TORRES

Fernando Torres, born March 20th 1984, and nicknamed El Nino, is a Spanish football player who plays for Chelsea FC as a striker. He started his career with Athletico Madrid, making his debut in 2001 and scoring 91 goals in 243 appearances before moving to Liverpool FC for a record transfer fee in 2007. He had a fantastic first year at Liverpool, scoring 33 goals in 46 appearances. However, by the start of his second season, the fortunes of the club had started dwindling and he voiced his concerns. By 2010, Liverpool had crashed out of the traditional ‘Big Four’ clubs in England and Torres felt he deserved to be a bigger club and win trophies too.

So when Chelsea came calling for him in January 2010, he demanded to move and his wish was granted. He moved to Chelsea for a British record transfer fee of GBP 50 million. Liverpool fans felt he betrayed them and was disloyal, they felt he should have stayed with their club through thick and thin, they called him a fair weather friend and burnt his jersey on the streets of Merseyside.

And when things didn’t go as plan for him at Chelsea they were quick to jump on his back, but he endured the taunts and jests. I have had reasons to severe childhood friendships, cut off professional associations and end romantic relationships and I have been ridiculed for it, but ultimately, the wisdom behind such decisions justifies same. People change, and so you should always review your relationship with them.

Relationships, friendships, courtships are all ships and ships sink, but you dont have to sink with it! Yes people will call you a traitor, a turncoat, a deserter amongst many other names, they’ll preach to you about the moral ethics of perseverance but that’s not really what did is about! This is about the knowledge that even though we can’t choose our family, we can’t choose our parents and siblings, but that we can choose who our friends are, and we eventually become the people we move with.

Fernando Torres knew he needed to move his career forward, and Liverpool FC was not offering him the chance to do that, he made his move, he was ridiculed for it, he was abused, threatened, he had to start all over again at his new club, he suffered demotion and neglect, he was humiliated and laughed at. He endured the taunts and jests and today, 18 months after he left Liverpool, he has FA Cup and UEFA Champions League medals to show for his travails. It’s not certain that he’ll win any other trophy in his career, it’s not certain that he’ll rediscover the Liverpool form that made him feared by all, I have my doubts if he’ll ever justify the GBP 50m paid to get him, but his move from Liverpool to Chelsea has been justified.

When you decide to move ahead with your life at the expense of some people’s presence in your life, expect the same. Infact more often than not you’ll be told you can’t meet someone as good as them, and I think it’s true, you’ll meet far better people who will contribute more meaningfully to your life. If you’re always the champion in your circle, it’s time to make new friends. Make friends with people who will challenge you to get better, friends who you can learn from. Review your relationship; what has been the highlight of your time so far with that guy/lady? Is your life getting better or worse? You’re responsible for what becomes of you, so care less about what people would say. Be wise, be guided.

(3) GARY CAHILL

Gary Cahill, born 19 December 1985, is an English footballer who plays as a central defender for Chelsea FC and he was part of the team that won the 2012 English FA Cup and the UEFA Champions League on May 19 2012. Cahill began his career playing for the AFC Dronfield youth set-system before joining the Aston Villa Academy in 2000. He spent eight years at the club but was loaned out to smaller clubs for most of those years. By January 2008 he was still considered surplus to the team’s requirements and was therefore sold to Bolton Wanderers for GBP 5m.

His fortunes changed for better at Bolton, his game improved considerably and he became the team’s defensive engine room and was made the vice-captain. However, his abilities soon caught the attention of the bigger clubs and he was eventually sold to Chelsea in January 2012 for GBP 7m. Bolton Wanderers had by then found themselves in a gripping battle against relegation, a battle they eventually lost on the last day of the season in May.

Cahill got to Chelsea had to spend a few weeks on the bench while getting used to the playing style of his new club, and when he eventually did break into the team, his performances justified the elevation from a team battling against relegation and one aiming to win the Champions League. When Cahill moved in January, all he wanted was just a move to a bigger club, an opportunity to showcase his talent on a bigger stage and a chance to earn more for his labour. He never could have imagined winning the FA Cup and Champions League in the space of 5 months. Within 5 months, he had moved from being the Vice-Captain of a relegation-bound team to being a Champions League winner.

So what is it that you’re passing through today? In what situation have you found yourself that’s making you lose hope? You looked ahead and saw how far others have gone ahead of you, and you think the gap is too wide for you to cover, making up for your lost years seem an impossible task for you. Yes it’s impossible for you, but I know there’s no impossibility with God, so why don’t you hand it over to Him? Cahill’s case is an example of what the Bible meant when it said that God is able to do exceeding, abundantly above all we can ever ask or imagine. All he wanted was a move to a bigger club, but God topped it with two medals within 5 months. That same God is more than able to do the seemingly impossible in your life if you put your trust in Him.

Ogunyemi Bukola

Follow @zebbook on twitter

My wife, My property: Our Society and Domestic Violence – by Adebowale Adejugbe

Liberty is the right to do what the law permits. ~ Montesquieu

A lady was used as the display picture on a friend’s blackberry messenger recently with an earlier status saying her husband had beaten her. It turned out to be a different story entirely as the picture depicts someone that was involved in an accident, but it provoked an argument/discussion on the subject of domestic violence. A heated argument ensued on the issue of a spousal abuse that occured at shoprite, where the husband turned “Jackie Chan” on the wife.

A friend of mine on hearing about the public Chinese film acted by the husband on his wife asked about the woman’s offence, so that we could judge the merit of the case. I had to ask him if it was justified for a man to beat his wife, to which he said YES and proceeded to give me an example of what the woman could have done to deserve a merciless and thoroughly embarrassing beating at Shoprite. He said the wife could have embarrassed the husband or somehow disrespected him. He went further by saying women deserved to be beaten to make them “tow the line” and respect their husband’s wishes because sometimes they needed it. 

Another twist was that his fiancée was there. She added her two cents to the discussion by telling me it’s normal for guys to beat their spouses. It generated a lot of bad blood and tension because I was of the opposing view which I defended vehemently. I’d rather lose a friend than compromise my principle because I wanted to make him feel justified or cool by endorsing spousal abuse. Not even if his fiancée supports domestic abuse which he confirmed to everyone there. He even described how it happened and put one of the episodes down as testing her perseverance and reaction when abused.

I understand people have opposing views on these situations, I even understand why people have to do it sometimes (which I’ll explain later on) but I don’t support, endorse or would ever see it as appropriate irrespective of what anyone thinks.

Let’s get some facts:

Using helpguide.com’s description: Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behaviour is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected and safe.

Myths about Domestic Violence:

There are many myths that surround the issue of domestic violence. Common beliefs are:

*Domestic violence is something that only affects a few individuals;

*Domestic violence only affects women;

*Domestic violence only happens in heterosexual relationships;

*Domestic violence only affects individuals from disadvantaged, marginalized and deprived areas of society;

*Domestic violence is a cultural matter;

*Domestic violence does not affect older women;

*Domestic violence manifests itself in individuals who have been the victims and / or witnesses of violence in their family;

*Domestic violence is provoked;

*Domestic violence should be solved within the four walls of the home;

*The family should stay together for the sake of the children.

 

Some signs of domestic violence:

*Destructive criticism and verbal abuse: shouting/mocking/accusing/name calling/verbally threatening

*Pressure tactics: sulking, threatening to withhold money, take the children away, lying to your friends and family about you, telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.

*Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting your telephone calls, refusing to help with childcare or housework.

*Breaking trust: lying to you, withholding information from you, being jealous, having other relationships, breaking promises and shared agreements.

*Isolation: monitoring or blocking your telephone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go, preventing you from seeing friends and relatives.

*Harassment: following you, checking up on you, opening your mail, repeatedly checking to see who has telephoned you, embarrassing you in public.

*Threats: making angry gestures, using physical size to intimidate, shouting you down, destroying your possessions, breaking things, punching walls, wielding a knife or a gun, threatening to kill or harm you and the children.

*Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts, having sex with you when you don’t want to have sex, any degrading treatment based on your sexual orientation.

*Physical violence: punching, slapping, hitting, biting, pinching, kicking, pulling hair out, pushing, shoving, burning, strangling.

*Denial: saying the abuse doesn’t happen, saying you caused the abusive behaviour, being publicly gentle and patient, crying and begging for forgiveness, saying it will never happen again.

 

Some Effects of Domestic violence are:

Initially;

*Apathy

*Difficulties with attention and concentration

*Emotional instability

*Anxiety abuse of alcohol

*Fear and lack of faith in others

*Difficulties with sexuality

Over time, if adequate support is not received, more structural consequences and disturbances can develop, such as;

*Panic attacks

*Phobias

*Eating problems

*Sleep disturbances (nightmares, recurrent dreams)

*Psychosomatic disturbances

*Substance-dependency (alcohol, drugs, psychotropic drugs)

*Self Harm

 

There are also several barriers that makes it hard for people to seek help when abused, they include:

*Shame or Embarrassment i.e a professional working lady who wouldn’t want people to know.

*Discrimination i.e a sex trade worker.

*Afraid of being judged i.e someone in a same sex relationship.

*Dependency problems: someone dependent on alcohols and drugs etc might feel they’ll not be believed.

*Being Disabled: it might be hard to get by without the abuser’s daily help.

 

How to help those affected:

*Remember to believe the individual;

*Be available to listen to them. Listening is the first concrete action that you can take to help them out of this situation;

*Keep what you’ve been told a secret; you could put them in danger by talking about their problem to someone else;

*Do not judge the individual or try and blame them for the situation.;

*Do not impose advice or make decisions for them;

*Be there for them.

 

Conclusively, I promised to explain why I understand their justification for doing it sometimes.  People who find it hard to deal with anger and frustration constructively, often channels such to their spouses. In effect it glaringly betrays them as weak, unreasonable and incompetent. Spousal abuse to me, betrays a weak individual trying to mask his weakness by all means necessary including physical and emotional abuse.

As a man, imagine giving your daughter out in marriage and the husband continuously destroy her confidence by abusing her in all forms possible (beating inclusive). How would you feel? Why do it to someone else’s daughter?

Please, let’s make our world a better place.

 

Adebowale Adejugbe

I’m on twitter (@deboadejugbe)

 

 

Additional reading can be found here:

1. http://www.worstkeptsecret.co.uk

2. http://www.safetotalk.org.uk/am-i-being-abused/what-are-the-effects-of-domestic-violence-and-abuse-on-children/

3. http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence?cat=society&type=article

4. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272

5. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

6. http://www.domesticviolence.co.uk/

7. domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/

8. articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-04-25/india/31398208_1_domestic-violence-spousal-violence-centre-for-social-research

9. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

10. womenshistory.about.com/od/mythsofwomenshistory/a/rule_of_thumb.htm

11. ynaija.com/disturbing-new-photo-showing-artiste-k-solos-wife-standing-bruised-and-swollen-emerges/

Posted by: zebbook | June 8, 2012

Where is our pride and integrity? – by @nykelodeon

Where is our pride and integrity? by Osagiede Nicholas

Every day the green white green passport is an object of disdain, disrespect and suspicion to immigration officers and law enforcers all over the world. Every day, thousands of Nigerian business men and women fail to seal international deals. Every day, our youths outside our shores are seen as fraudsters and now terrorists. Every day, we give the world to a reason to doubt our sincerity of purpose, every day, and our status as Nigerians diminishes; where is our pride and integrity?

If Colin Powell, former US Secretary of State could brand all Nigerians scammers, then it means we have no pride in the face of the international community. The sins and bad doings of some people have stained the entire nation. Here we are mocking ourselves by our recent handling of Boko Haram, issuing statement of escaped convict’s every time, showing the world we are in competent to handle our problem. Here we are doing big brother to other African nations while our own economy suffers. Our diplomatic relations with nations is on decline, rotting badly.How can we prove and show to the world that majority of Nigerians are not what they take us for. How can we show the world that Nigerians are law abiding citizens with integrity to top it all? How can we prove to world that Nigerians are trustworthy and hardworking?

We are talking of building a nation, one that would be a force to reckon with in the world. We are talking of building a corrupt-free society, how can we achieve all that? Is it when monies brought into the system to make life easier for the masses are converted into foreign currencies and taken to already fat bank accounts at the detriment of the masses? We started this year with a policy on subsidy removal on PMS, a policy that has being successful in other nations including our neighbors, Ghana. But, the integrity of our government has been called into question several times that we the citizens have lost faith in their abilities. Protests followed in the wake of the subsidy removal as many youths took to the streets to show their apparent displeasure. Most Nigerians know the policy is good and the nation can be developed but there is no trust in the government, in fact there have been so many cases of misappropriation in the system and with sharing formula for the Income generated from subsidy in place, it’s like the same old story. Anytime the issue of corruption worldwide is talked about, Nigeria is always a case study, to draw hypothesis and make conclusions on. Why won’t we be? Abacha’s loot, Anajemba’s case,Tafa Balogun’s saga, Tony Anenih, Fabian Osuji, Adolphus Wabara, Chris Adigie et al N55 million scam, Mobolaji Osomo soap opera, Joshua Dariye wahala, Governor Alameseigha’s show are juicy and interesting for the world to see. The president claims there is a cabal looting proceeds from oil but they have not been brought to book. There is was the one of CBN, dissolving the board of All States Trust Bank in 2004/05 over alleged financial malpractices, Akingbola’s alleged looting at Intercontinental Bank, Cecilia Ibru and Oceanic Bank festivities, and so on. All this cases of unsolved corruption all aid in denting the image of the nation in the international community.

Aren’t these scenarios mouths watering? Baseless kings like the Boko Haram issue, which due to our government lack of purpose and direction has now become a nationwide threat, with the Madalla bombing on Christmas day, pushing our sluggish government to declare a state of emergency in some states in the north, despite all these, there were still attacks on innocent people in Adamawa, Bauchi and Kano states. A suspect of the sect was found in a governor lodge in Abuja and was reported missing when transported by the Nigerian simply shows how insincere, wicked and untrustworthy some of our leaders are. The never repentant Jos religious, now political crises, the kidnapping in Niger Delta, which spread like wildfire to almost all parts of the eastern province, unexplained and unsolved murders, ritual killings et al, all happening with reckless abandon, have helped in no small way to finish our image.

Anywhere a Nigerian is, fear, disdain and suspicion trail him. Millions of Nigerian youths take to the internet to dupe foreigners of their hard earned money as a result; genuine business deals are getting impossible day after day. We give everything corrupt a funky name, making it seem real to people. Trust is now extinct as we believe what we see. Religious and ethnic classes have to degenerate into the killing of thousands before we decide to act.

Every now and then, different bodies are set up to check corruption, How far have they gone? From War against Indiscipline and Corruption (WAIC) to Independent Corrupt Practices Commission (ICPC), what was the success story? The Justice Mustapha Akanbi’s led ICPC did virtually nothing to redeem Nigeria’s image. The corruption they wanted to eradicate eradicated them. WAIC just died as soon as it was born. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, (EFCC) is here but what has it really done? At least something happened under Nuhu Ribadu despite the selective allegations leveled at him. The new EFCC boss, Farida Waziri must also be commended for leaving behind the main corruptors in government and corporate bodies to go after the” yahoo-yahoo” boys.  Now, she has made way for a new boss, Ibrahim Larmode who is already been fingered as part of the wicked, heartless and greedy Nigerians siphoning pensioners hard-earned monies : Is it safe to say that what happened to WAIC, ICPC and even HRVIC will still happen to EFCC?

We are doing “Father Christmas” for other countries while our own economy is being run bankrupt by misadministration, bad leadership and corruption of the highest order. Here we are debating fuel subsidy when about 18 ships filled with crude oil was intercepted.  On the brighter side, the US has not banned Nigerian from coming into their country, all they did was to even respect us by giving us VIP treatment search after all other passengers have been long gone after Abdumutalab placed on the world terrorist producing countries and with the Boko Haram insurgence, We give the world something to cheer and toast to when any issue of police brutality, corruption, oil bunkering, bad leadership, baseless killings, etc is being discussed. Army personnel were deployed en masse to Lagos in a bid to quash innocent protests on bad governance which is currently experienced in the country while the north where Boko Haram have wrecked havoc is left porous and exposed to continued attacks. Our inadequacies only dampen our image in the international community.

Yet, it’s not too late to salvage what is left of our nation’s ego, It’s not too late; our pride and integrity is at stake.

 

Osagiede Nicholas

Blogs at: http://nykelodeon.wordpress.com

Follow @nykelodeon via twitter

Posted by: zebbook | June 8, 2012

We Are All G.A.Y! – by @iDova

We Are All G.A.Y! – by Isi Esene

Sexuality is a touchy subject all over the world, more-so in Africa where such subjects are almost seen as taboo. On twitter, Babatunde Rosanwo got more than he bargained for when he questioned the decision of Covenant University authorities in expelling a final year student for allegedly engaging in lesbian conduct. The institution is a faith-based university located in Ota, Ogun State, and founded by a highly respected Bishop David Oyedepo.

A number of tweeps reacted by upbraiding the university authorities’ conduct, while majority of respondents supported the action describing the ‘offence’ committed (by the student) as unnatural and un-African. Some even went as far as suggesting the lady should be killed for her indiscretion.

There are several questions which I’d like to bring to the fore: Is it right for a ‘faith-based’ school operating under the constitution of Nigeria to trample on one’s right to freely express her sexuality? What good would her expulsion from the institution do to her psyche? Did she in any way coerce her fellow students into engaging in homosexual acts? Since she was the only one expelled, did she practise the act with herself? Has she been subjected to psychological evaluation or counselling before resorting to expulsion? Do the school rules and regulations supersede that of the Nigerian Constitution? The terse public statement released by the school did little to answer these questions and more.

Reading through Rosanwo’s timeline and digesting people’s contribution to the subject did not faze me one bit. Majority of Nigerians are intolerant of others’ idiosyncrasies, let alone a seemingly exotic sexual orientation. To us, anyone who engages in acts of homosexuality is an unbeliever (or infidel, depending on the faith one professes).

The Bible is clear in its position on homosexuality and I unreservedly subscribe to its stand. But the problem lies in the fact that we selectively define what is sin and what is not depending on how it relates to us. We manage to ignore the dead log in our eyes while we deride the proverbial speck in our neighbour’s eye.

The prevailing argument against homosexual practice among the responders was the fact that it ‘negates the natural order of sexual relations’ with many quoting the well-worn “Adam and Steve” cliché. By our warped estimation, corruption, adultery, pre-marital sex, lying, and gossiping are lesser sins compared to homosexuality and incest. Can you explain what is natural in the inordinate proportion of married individuals (especially men) who engage in extra-marital affairs with their innocent spouses at home getting the “just pray he changes” advice from friends and relatives? What is natural about our propensity to blame rape victims for being at the wrong place or/and indecently dressed, therefore deserving her comeuppance of sexual assault, not minding her emotional scar and stolen dignity?

As free citizens, every Nigerian has a right of choice as it relates to sexual orientation as long as it does not infringe upon the right of others. Homosexuality will remain legal in the country until a bill criminalizing it is signed into law by the government. Since various studies have shown that homosexuality is an acquired trait (not genetic) and “there is a strong evidence as to family dynamics in the development of homosexuality”; re-orientation can only be achieved by showing love and taking time to understand the anomaly. You do not change a person by condemning and judging them. An issue that is not understood can never be changed, rectified, or even accommodated.

Condemning others and outwardly posturing ourselves to be better individuals will not help the development of our faith. Even Jesus Christ spared the prostitute and condemned the Pharisees’ pseudo-piety. Let’s come together to properly identify the problems plaguing us as a society and proffer lasting solutions. We must be wary of joining the fanatical mob of hypocrites whose stock in trade is shouting “Crucify him, crucify him” at every opportunity. Because, whether we admit it or not, we are all GAY (Guilty Ass Youths).

Isi Esene

Blogs at: http://idovas.wordpress.com

Follow @iDova on twitter

Posted by: zebbook | June 2, 2012

PARABLE OF THE PEN

PARABLE OF THE PEN by ‘Lanre ‘lordrooz’ Bucknor

Write your way to glory,
Be like the pen!
Find ur path to success,
Jst like the pen!

It has been said to be mighty,
Mightier than even than the largest sword.
It is d maker of great men,
And the killer of broken dreams.

Great men think like the pen
Fallen heroes lives on because of it.
The tiny gadget has sends men to jail,
And yet vindicates the human race.

Gone through series of evolution,
Yet providing the same old results.
Whether the feather and the ink,
Or the ball point type.

So silent in nature,
Yet very effective in fxns
It is the custodian of the past,
And the shaper of the future.

The chief planner,
The prime executor,
The writer of history,
The predictor of tomorrow.

The form of ‘Kofi Annan’,
The heart of ‘Condoleeza Rice’,
Why dont you take a cue from the pen?
And through it be popular than ‘Karl Marx’.
Writing your way to success.
And finding your path to victory.

 

‘Lanre ‘lordrooz’ Bucknor
Follow @lordrooz on twitter

Posted by: zebbook | June 2, 2012

SUICIDE: Perspective, Facts and Myths. Let’s Live

SUICIDE: Perspective, Facts and Myths. Let’s Live. By Adebowale Adejugbe


On December 18, 2010 while tidying my car outside the compound, I noticed an increased level of activity in my estate. Several people clustered in small groups were discussing an event that occurred overnight a few houses away from mine. I was interested but due to my nature of not mingling with most people, I had to wait for someone in my compound to get the complete story and relay. It was an anguished wait because almost everyone already knew – and I was still in the dark.

I got the reel eventually. Suicide! was the first thing she said and I was trying to process that – my mind spinning out of control, making out scenarios and what could have led to it – when the next bombshell dropped. It was the Landlord of the house who committed suicide by hanging.
The wife and kids went for a vigil, the husband was left at home because he was tired (or whatever excuse he gave). It was the perfect suicide (pardon my choice of words) because he was completely dead by the time they returned from the church. It was then that they started thinking about the signs they’ve been seeing but never took serious

What could have led a man who built a house, had several commercial (like 3 or 4) buses plying the road, about 3 “keke Marwa” included, to commit suicide? Money issues? Could have sold stuffs to stabilize. Emotional problems? Possibly, traditional men naturally feel its weak to exhibit any emotional instability. Family issues? Possible, but can be resolved, they were still together as a family.

It get real frank from here, let’s have the facts:
Wikipedia says Suicide (Latin suicidium, from sui caedere, “to kill oneself”) is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. Suicide is often committed out of despair, the cause of which can be attributed to a mental disorder such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, autism spectrum disorders, alcoholism, or drug abuse. Stress factors such as financial difficulties or troubles with interpersonal relationships often play a significant role.

It continues further by telling us that Over one million people die by suicide every year. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that it is the 13th leading cause of death worldwide and the National Safety Council rates it sixth in the United States. It is a leading cause of death among teenagers and adults under 35. The rate of suicide is far higher in men than in women, with males worldwide three to four times more likely to kill themselves than females. There are an estimated 10 to 20 million non-fatal attempted suicides every year worldwide.

I hate statistics sometimes, its a pain unbearable. But those statistics actually tell us suicide is an everyday issue, going by what causes it, to actually thinking about it, to carrying it out. We’ll see the assumptions people make about suicide and how they pan out to the real thing.

Suicidal behaviour differs from person to person. Some people show very positive behaviour such as happiness or relief once their decision to take their own life and end the pain has been made. Unusual behaviour, such as being very withdrawn or excessively animated can also be a sign that there is something wrong. Physical symptoms of depression and distress also include sleeplessness, loss of appetite or irregular eating, stomach aches, panic attacks, low energy and loss of concentration. Signs that someone is suicidal can include talking of tidying up their affairs or expressing feelings of despair and failure.

Its a wrong assumption to think that you have to be mentally ill to consider suicide, even though its common among people with mental health problems (obvious or not). Mental health problems don’t actually mean someone is crazy.

Its also wrong to assume that people who talk about suicide aren’t really serious about killing themselves. Most people who kill themselves would have mentioned it to someone about how worthless life is, or they actually felt there was no future and they feel like dying. Its important to take people who say these things serious and organize for help.

If someone had attempted suicide before, its important to keep an eye on the person. People who have attempted suicide are significantly more likely to end up committing suicide than the others. Its important to continuously seek help.

People often assume that whoever wants to kill him/herself would eventually do no matter the help rendered. Its wrong! Suicidal crisis are relatively short termed, even if the actual feeling of distress or low emotional state might be sustained for a long time.

Talking directly about suicide has been wrongly termed as wrong. Its the opposite. Most people thinking about suicide don’t always talk directly about it. Asking or initiating a conversation helps them talk about it. Talking about suicidal thoughts gives them a greater chance of discovering alternatives to suicide.

You have to also know that most suicidal people do not actually want to die, it might be hard to believe but its true. Its very important that timely intervention is offered to such people and you might be able to save a soul.

We might not be able to do justice on this subject as I’m not an expert, I just want people to look out for signs and take these things serious, you would be surprised at those who harbour these thoughts. If you are one of those feeling these thoughts, anxiety, life’s heavy weight, please talk to someone about it. Let’s Live.

Things to listen/ watch-out for:

* Feeling suicidal (it’s a myth that people who talk about it don’t do it)
* Seeing no hope in the future, no point in life
* Feeling worthless, a failure
* Feeling very isolated and alone
* Sleeping badly, especially waking early
* Losing their appetite, or eating more than usual
* Feeling low-spirited and more irritable
* Feeling very isolated and alone
* Seeing no hope in the future, believing that things will never change
* Seeing no point in life, feeling worthless or a failure

 

Kindly get more about suicide here:

1. www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/suicidal_feelings

2. www.medicinenet.com/suicide/article.htm
3. www.metanoia.org/suicide/
4. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide

 

Adebowale Adejugbe
Follow me on twitter (@deboadejugbe)

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